


Stairway to the Sunrise

by MelodramaticCoffeeAddict



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, But I live for angst tbh, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I need to be nicer to him, Zoro needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:58:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict/pseuds/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict
Summary: "It occurs to Zoro far too late that he has no idea where he is. He has no food. No water. No map. No compass. Zoro has no way back to his crew. And no idea where to go. All he has are the boat, the open sea and unbearable pain."OrIn which Zoro leaves Mihawk's castle before he can get the 3D2Y message and everything is thrown out of whack.





	Stairway to the Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this tumblr post a few weeks back and it just wouldn't leave me alone. I should probably be working on While the Gods Sleep, but how do you say no to the beautiful angst that is this story?
> 
> The link to that beautiful post:  
> http://mathemayjicks.tumblr.com/post/147565590928/ok-but-au-where-zoro-makes-it-off-of-mihawks

Over the years, Zoro has come to realize that life is funny. Not in a gut wrenching laughter kind of way, either. In more of a “Zoro can't believe this shit is happening to him” kind of way. Lose a family. Get a family. Lose a family. Get a family. Lose a family. A vicious cycle that some asshole somewhere would probably say is “funny”.

Fuck that asshole. This isn't funny anymore. Not that it ever was. 

Pain is the first sensation to return. It's hurts to lay still. Hurts to think. Hurts to breathe. He falls back into blissful painlessness again. 

Pink fills his vision when he wakes again. A pink, annoying little bitch. She turns out to be little more than a nuisance, even if she did save his life. In some ways, she kind of reminds him of Nami. A shrill, bossy bitch that yells too much and gives him a headache. 

“What,” she seethes when she finds him dragging an old boat through the forest. “Are you doing?”

“I can't stay here,” he growls.

Luffy and the others could be in trouble. Zoro failed them. He let pain win and turned into a burden. Now they could be god knows where. Kuma could have sent them anywhere. He has no idea where they are. But he knows where they will be. Luffy told them to meet back at Sunny in three days. It's already been two. At least two. He has no clue how long he slept. 

Zoro can only hope that they waited for him. 

And they will. They're his family. Even the cook, who hates him. They'll be waiting for him. He can't slow them down anymore than he already has.

“You're going to get yourself killed! What is wrong with you? Why aren't you listening to me?”

The screeching continues the entire way to the sea. Zoro stops answering her halfway there. Talking wastes energy. He needs all his energy to get back to Luffy.

“I didn't save you for you to go off and die, you idiot!”

With a last grunt, ignoring the searing back that shoots through him, Zoro pulls the boat into the waves and falls into it. He grits his teeth to hold in the pained whimpers. A thousand needles seem to drive into every muscle in his body. Tears well in his eyes even as he squeezes them closed. It hurts. But it's worth it. Seeing them again, will be worth it.

  
  


It occurs to Zoro far too late that he has no idea where he is. He has no food. No water. No map. No compass. Zoro has no way back to his crew. And no idea where to go.

All he has are the boat, the open sea and unbearable pain.

  
  


Awareness comes and goes. Sometimes, he opens his eyes and darkness consumes him. Sometimes, white clouds drift overhead. The only constant is the aching muscles and the difficulty to breath. 

  
  


Cold hands jolt him back to the world. He wheezes, gasps and tries to pull away but voices speak above him. Hands hold him down. Too strong for him to fight. His vision doesn't work. All he sees are fuzzy outlines.

“Lu-” His voice doesn't work either. He barely gets out the first syllable of his captain’s name. 

Pathetic. Zoro’s supposed to be stronger than that.

  
  


The fishing vessel that picked him up don't turn him into the Marines. Which, in itself is a miracle. Though, the doctor is out the end of his rope within minutes of trying to take care of Zoro. The man is certainly no Chopper. And their chief is certainly no Cook. But Zoro is too tied and too sore to care. 

When he finally manages to hold onto awareness for more than five minutes, the doctor tells him he's been on that ship for over a month.

“My crew,” he rasps. “I need to find my crew.”

The doctor blinks at him. “The Strawhats? Son, no one's seen hide or hair of them in two months.”

Zoro chokes on his heart as it drops to his stomach. “Wh-what?”

Pity takes the man’s eyes. “Wait here.”

Zoro doesn't bother to tell the idiot that he has nowhere to go. The boat is god knows where and he has no idea where he is. And he can't move his pinky without pained stars dancing across his vision.

Two months though. His crew hasn't been seen for two months. Does that mean they're hurt? Did Kuma - No. No. It's the Strawhats. Luffy and the Cook wouldn't let them get hurt. Everyone is fine. Fine and waiting for Zoro. They have to be.

The doctor returns with a faded, wrinkled newspaper in his hand and holds it out for Zoro. Luffy’s picture is on the front page, hat to his chest in front of a memorial for something. 

**Strawhat Luffy Pays Respects** , the title reads. Zoro’s brow furrows and he looks up at the doctor.

“Respects?”

“For the War of the Best.”

“The what?”

Zoro regrets asking the question as soon as he gets an answer. Ace is dead. Luffy’s beloved big brother murdered before his eyes. If Zoro ever finds that son of a bitch Marine Admiral, he'll kill him with his bare hands.

“That's the last anyone's seen of him,” the doctor says. “It's been two months since anyone's seen your crew.”

Zoro’s gaze drops to the page. His stomach aches with fear.

“Sabaody,” he says, looking up at the doctor. “I need you to take me to Sabaody.”

The doctor looks at him as if he's grown a second head. “The Archipelago? Kid, that's on the other side of the Grand Line. It'll take months to get there.”

Months? No. Zoro was just on Sabaody a few days ago… Well, a month ago. But, still. How can he be months away now?

“Other side?” he echoes back. “Where are we?”

“Near Napolia. About two weeks from Alabasta.”

No. No. He hasn't been near Alabasta in almost a year. It's not possible. 

Somehow, he's actually gotten lost this time.

  
  


The ship drops him off at Napolia, at the port. They aren't going his way and he has no way to convince them too. No money to bribe them with. The doctor leaves him with medicine for scarred lungs, torn muscles and a few other things Zoro doesn't care to listen to. He doubts it will do him much good anyway. The damage is done.

He needs a plan to get to Sabaody. A quick one. Luffy’s dream can't wait that long. Zoro doesn't want it to wait.

Money. A boat. Food. Booze. 

Four things. How hard can it be to get those four things?

  
  


Very hard. It proves to be very hard to get even one of those things. Mostly because three of them depend on the last one. Zoro has no money. And no way of getting money. 

Well, he knows one way of getting money. But he doesn't know if he can do it. After everything, it almost feels like a betrayal. Pirate hunter turned pirate turned pirate hunter.

There's the world being funny again.

  
  


He covers his hair, leaves Shusui and Kitetsu behind when he drags the pirate in. Worth ten thousand beli. That should be enough for now. At least enough to get him some food and a boat. The booze can wait.

At least, Zoro thinks it can wait.

  
  


The Marines are dumber than Zoro ever thought, though he's grateful for it. None of the bastards recognize him with his hair covered, especially if he only brings them in with one sword. It takes a lot to shove down the voice in the back of his head, demanding to know what Luffy and the others would think. 

As long as it beings Zoro to them, he likes to think they'd be alright with it.

Nami might be more than alright with it if she ever finds out how much money these bastards give him. 

Zoro doesn't buy booze with the leftover beli. Instead, he shoves it away in his pack. He should probably make a good impression when he finally re-emerges, so if he can pay back his debt, he'll make Nami happy. Which will make the Cook happy. And if the Cook is happy, he'll make a lot of good food. Which will make everyone else happy. And, hopefully, everyone will forget how lost Zoro has been for the past few months.

Months. Gods, it's been months since he's seen them. Since he's laughed, touched, felt safe. 

He misses it. Misses them. More than he thought possible. Or than he'll ever admit.

The pain in his chest must just be from his poorly healed injuries. Not that that's unusual. If he twists the wrong way, untold agony shoots through him for hours. The doctor from that ship was a quack. Zoro’s never felt such pain, not after Chopper healed him. It must be that doctor’s fault. 

Maybe Chopper will be able to help that along once Zoro meets back up with them. Sabaody isn't far. Chopper will have him back to normal in no time.

Just a few more weeks. He'll be back with nakama and everything will be alright. 

  
  


Sunny isn't sitting in Grove One. Just the remains of the action house that still needs to be put back together. But it was Grove One. Zoro knows it was. He remembered that number for a reason. Repeated it over and over when he went for a walk. Grove One is where Sunny was docked. Now it's gone.

They left without him.

Not that Zoro can blame them. It's been half a year and they couldn't wait around forever. But he knows where they're going. He'll just meet them in the New World. They're in the New World. That's why no one has seen them in so long. They're waiting in the New World. Waiting for him.

Nami will have to forgive him. He throws the money he saved for her at the first ship headed for Fishman Island. He can't keep them waiting much longer.

  
  


It only takes a few days for Zoro to realize, no one has seen his crew in the New World either. They see him though. See him and recognize him, and his one-hundred-twenty thousand beli bounty.

“You're coming with me,” the bounty hunter tells him. “Alive or dead.”

Zoro landed on the island less than two days ago. Used up most of his beli to get here and can only afford the inn room for a few days. He just wanted to get some fucking booze. Drink some of this pain away. Then some no one bastard with purple hair and a smug sneer stepped in his way. 

Clearly this man doesn't know who he's dealing with. Roronoa Zoro. Swordsman of the Strawhat Pirates. No some small fry. 

“Tch. Get out of my way,” Zoro tells him. “You're an eyesore.”

The man snarls and unfurls a whip. Fine by Zoro. He's pent up. He's angry. He's hurt. Not just physically, either. Zoro could go for a fight. Even if it's with a no name bounty hunter.

A small crowd gathers as the man cracks the whip. Zoro pulls his swords free, clenched Wado in his teeth. Smirks. This should be fun. Should be turns into the key phrase.

The man is fast, far faster than Zoro anticipated. Stronger too. A single crack of the whip knocks Wado from his teeth. The man drives his fist into Zoro’s stomach before he can blink. Every ounce of oxygen leaves Zoro’s lungs. He gasps, clutches his remaining swords, swings and misses.

Something is wrong here. Very wrong.

The fight goes pretty much in that pattern. Zoro lands a few hits here and there, but his opponent dominates much of it. The sharp end of the whip bites into Zoro’s skin. A hard fist collides with every available bit of him.

Breathing gets harder. His muscles scream for mercy. 

Red fills the left side of his vision as the whip nicks his eye. Blood falls down his face. Everything goes black on the left side of his nose. Dread fills his stomach. He knows the eye is gone as he stumbles back.

Suddenly, he's back under the Admiral’s foot. Unable to force himself to move. Injured. Terrified. Useless. Zoro hadn't been ready for an Admiral.

He isn't ready for the New World.

But, it's too late to turn back.

Trying to take advantage of Zoro’s injury, the man disappears to his left side. Zoro grits his teeth. Tries to think. Concentrate. Maybe he can't see, but he can still hear. Hear the man’s footsteps. Feel the air shift when he moves. 

A grunt leaves Zoro as he spins, drives Shusui into the man’s stomach. The world freezes. Warm blood spills down the man and over Zoro’s arms. 

Surprise fills the dying man’s eyes as he stares at Zoro, mouth open, blood trickling out. 

Zoro isn't ready for the New World. But he isn't ready for death either. 

A thud echoes around him as he pulls Shusui free and lets the dead man fall. Tremors shake him as he turns away, shoves his way past the crowd as he pants wildly. 

He doesn't stop until someone grabs him, pulls him into an alleyway and puts a finger to his lips to keep him from yelling. Sweat stings his cuts as he looks up at a young woman, lips set in a grim line.

“The Marines are that way,” she tells him. “They'll be headed to check out the commotion. Come with me.”

  
  


Her name is Vara. The daughter of a pirate. A pirate executed after being nabbed by a bounty hunter. The bounty hunter Zoro had just killed.

“Think of if as a “thank you”,” she tells him as she cleans his wounds. “I've been trying to find and kill that bastards for years.”

He grunts in response.

“Hope you didn't like this eye.” Vara presses gauze to his left eye and tapes it down.

How does one not like an eye? He doesn't ask the question. He watches her movements, throwing away the used medical supplies and washing her hands.

He was lucky. But luck won't cut it forever. He needs to make himself less noticeable if he's going to make it to Luffy.

Because Luffy is alive. All of them are alive. Waiting for him. Right?

Unless. Unless they've decided he's useless. They know his injuries are too severe and he'll just be in their way. If that's the case, he has to prove them wrong. He needs them to know, he can still protect them. He can still be useful. 

“So, do I get a name?” Vara asks, sitting down across from him. “Or, am I just calling you Sword Guy?”

“Do you have hair dye?” 

She blinks. “Come again?”

“Dye.” He gestures to his hair.

She nods slowly. “Sure, Sword Guy.”

  
  


Black hair. No earrings. A scarred over eye. Hopefully it's enough to keep the Marines away. Vara shoves beli into his hands. A lot of beli. Then sneaks him to a port in the dead of night.

“Good luck, Sword Guy.”

Luck. He’ll need luck for now. He has a lot of training to do. A lot of time to spend.

  
  


Zoro’s bounty rises slowly. They don't update his picture. Must be no one can get a shot of him. He's grateful. It makes it easy go sneak between boats and ports. Makes it easy to drag in someone when he needs beli.

He starts saving again. Any extra beli goes into the Nami fund. It's been so long, he doesn't remember how much he owes her. But the fund is almost as high as his new two-hundred-fifty-thousand beli bounty. So, it's a good start.

  
  


The days go quickly. In the blink of an eye, two years has past. Two years and Roronoa Zoro may be the last Strawhat pirate left. 

The thought makes him sick.

  
  


Luffy is absolutely ecstatic when Sanji comes into view. His cook has grown bulkier but his smile hasn't dimmed. Luffy can't ask for much else. 

“Only the mosshead left.” Sanji scoffs. “Probably got lost, the idiot.”

Luffy laughs. He expected as much, but he's not worried. Zoro will be there soon. Zoro never lets his nakama down.

  
  


“It's been two weeks,” Usopp tells the tense table. “He was hurt bad Luffy.” 

The sniper’s voice is grim. Shaking. Usopp doesn't want to admit it more than anyone else. But the Marines are closing in. They can't hold out forever. Zoro is nakama. But, Usopp worries that they might have to start saying “was a good nakama”. The swordsman can get lost. But not this lost. Never this lost.

“Usopp,” Nami whispers softly. “It's Zoro.”

That can mean a lot of things. He's too tough to die. He's special and they have to wait. Luffy’s first nakama. Usopp isn't jealous. He isn't. And he knows what Nami is saying. But someone has to be realistic.

“He's only human,” Usopp says. 

Luffy’s fist cracks through the table. So, their captain thinks the same. If Zoro isn't here, with his wounds, he isn't going to be here. But, Luffy doesn't say that. He leaves his food on the ruined table and storms to sit on the figurehead.

Sanji snaps and snarls like never before. Luffy falls into a sullen seriousness. Usopp can't look at either of them 

They set sail two weeks later. The crows’ nest remains untouched, no one is willing to disturb Zoro’s space. The last piece they has of their missing nakama.

  
  


Zoro can't tear his eye from the paper before him. He rubs his palm again his eye and stares again after the dots fade. 

They're here. 

The Strawhats have been sighted. A real sighting. A picture of Luffy sits on the front page, glaring at the fishman across from him. 

His crew is in the New World. Months and months behind him. But that's no problem. Zoro will make it to them. No matter what. 

He's strong again. Useful. 

He'll find them.

  
  


Sunny sits on the coast line. Sits untouched in the distance and Zoro could cry. Home is so close. After so long. His legs give out and he clutches the cargo ship’s railing. 

“Bring me to the island,” he tells the captain.

“Are you insane?” the older man demands. “It's too dangerous! Swarming with Marines. And haven't you read the paper? After every that's happened, I'm not risking my ship.”

No. No. No. Zoro isn't losing them now. He's so close! He can feel the grass beneath his feet. Can smell the Cook’s food. Feel Luffy’s arms around him.

No!

Wado slides free with a flick if his wrist. He places the blade to the captain's throat. His eye widens. His lips curl in a sneer. 

“It's your ship or your life,” Zoro growls. 

The captain raises his chin in silent refusal. Zoro’s heart pounds. His chest aches again. It's been hurting like this for years and he's learned to ignore it. But now, now that he's so close, he can't ignore the pain. The agony. Ruined muscles. Scarred lungs. A missing eye. Everything he's done. Everything he's wanted. He can't lose it now.

His body trembles with desperation. His chest heaves. “I will cut this ship into pieces and drown your entire fucking crew if you don't bring me to my nakama!”

  
  


The blind Marine is interesting. Kind of fun. He isn't like the other Admirals Luffy met over the years. There's a strange level of respect with him. After everything, Luffy thinks he might actually just want to do good for the world. Even if he chose a stupid side. 

Everything is fun and games until Luffy feels it. That presence. So powerful. Determined. Loyal. He's missed it. Missed feeling that. That presence so strong. So important that it's absence shattered part of his heart. 

But he could never forget it.

Fun leaves his mind. The blind Marine isn't prepared for it. Luffy puts everything he has into the punch. Nothing will stop this. Nothing will stand in his way. Not again. 

The Marines will  _ never _ separate him from his nakama again.

He turns to the crowd as the Marine flies away. Scans desperately until he finds him. Pushing his way through the crowd. Barely recognizable with his hair dyed black - though his roots are shoot - and without his earrings. A scar has taken over his closed left eye. But there's no mistaking that presence. 

Tears spring to Luffy’s eyes as his first mate shoves through the crowd and stumbles forward. Awe-struck disbelief seems to rule Zoro’s slow movements. He makes it within touching distance. Close enough for Luffy to see the tears in Zoro’s eye. Then he falls to his knees, forehead almost touching the ground. Body shakes with soft sobs. 

It's wrong. It's so wrong. 

Zoro shouldn't cry. Zoro is strong and stoic and rock solid. 

Luffy drops to the ground in front of his swordsman. His fingers brush the swordsman’s arm and Zoro flinches. 

“I'm sorry.” If his wince hadn't been enough to freeze Luffy, Zoro’s broken, tearful voice is. “I'm so sorry. I tried. I trained. I got better. I promise. I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

Luffy’s heart breaks all over again and he wraps his arms around Zoro. Pulls him into a tight hug and buries his nose in the once mossy green locks of his first nakama. The apologies don't stop. But Zoro grabs a fist full of Luffy’s vest, so it's a start.

They stay like that until Sanji arrives some minutes later, shouting about the Marines and how they need to go. He freezes, however, when he finally spots the figure curled against Luffy. Zoro’s stopped crying, but he's breathing funny. Wheezing. One hand grips Luffy’s vest, the other clutches his own chest. 

“O-oi,” Sanji stutters out.

”Sanji.” Luffy ignores the unspoken question. “Help me take Zoro to Sunny.”

“Zoro?” Sanji echoes the name in numb disbelief. 

The hair must be throwing the cook off, but Luffy knows Sanji can feel the truth. Can feel Zoro. Unsteady steps lead Sanji to them.

“Marimo bastard,” Sanji mutters. “Got lost and scared the ladies.”

Zoro doesn't rise to the bait. Doesn't react at all. Not until Sanji grabs his arm to pull him up. Then he blinks slowly up at his nakama, squinting as though trying to place Sanji’s face. The cook frowns. Concern creases his brow.

“Zoro’s gotta get up,” Luffy says, gently pull Zoro’s hand from his vest. “The Marines are here. We gotta get to Sunny.”

His swordsman releases him, but doesn't stand with Luffy. He remains on his knees. Head bowed. Something close to shame swirls in the hair around them. Zoro doesn't think he's allowed to come. Zoro thinks Luffy will leave him behind. He thinks he's shamed the crew. 

“Zoro.” Luffy puts every ounce of strength into his captain voice. “Get up.”

_ I'm not leaving you here. You're my nakama. I missed you. I won't lose you again. Whatever happened. Whatever you did to get here, it doesn't matter. You're coming home. _

Zoro rises. Stumbles against Sanji. The others might have been surprised to see the cook steady him and pull one of Zoro’s arms over his shoulders to support Zoro’s confused, dead weight. Luffy isn't. 

They've all missed their swordsman. All in different ways. But still missed him. 

“Feet under you, Marimo,” Sanji orders. “You heard Luffy, we’re leaving.”

Again, there's no argument from the swordsman. He just struggles to keep his feet steady and allows them to hurry him back to Sunny.

  
  


Sunny looks beautiful. Shines like he hasn't seen her shine in forever. Zoro’s never seen a more beautiful ship. He hears arguing float over from the gallery, but he's too entranced by the ship to give it any attention. Warm, firm Adam’s wood meets his fingertips as he touches the mast. His knees weaken but he forces himself to stay upright. 

He's given himself enough embarrassment for the day.

“Minna!” Luffy shouts. “Oi! Minna!”

The gallery door slams open. Nami emerges, face twisted in annoyance. “Luffy, I swear to - Zoro?”

Her voice drips. Shakes with surprise. She claps both hands over her mouth. Tears shine in her eyes.

The rest of the crew spill out around her, wide eyed. Jaws on the floor. Zoro’s feet move back of their own accord. 

They didn't want him back. He misread what Luffy said. They'd be better off without him. No matter how much he trained, Sabaody is unforgivable. He let them all down.

“Zoro!” Chopper is the first to break the silence. 

The small doctor lunges at him. Throws himself into Zoro’s arms. The swordsman catches him. Stares as Chopper sobs against his chest. 

  
  


The rest of the crew follow Chopper’s lead. Crowd around Zoro. Hugging him. Touching him. Tears and smiles fill their faces. All accept Zoro. 

Luffy frowns. Zoro looks confused. Unsure. Like he can't understand the words being thrown at him. Or why the crew are touching him. Something is very, very wrong.

  
  


They set sail soon after the reunion. Luffy demands a feast to celebrate the return of their missing nakama. Sanji has no objection. Just smiles, touches Zoro’s arm, and welcomes him back.

The rest of the crew don't leave his side. They stay crowded around him, Chopper curled at his side, and ask about his time. His adventures. How he got separated. Where Kuma sent him. Just the sound of the Shibuki’s name drains the color from Zoro’s face and he becomes too interested in the holes in his worn pants. 

Nami quickly switches the subject to their adventures. Usopp helps her retell the brave tales of Fishman Island, Punk Hazard and Dressrosa. Zoro listens without interruptions, one hand constantly on Chopper's soft fur. 

By the time the story finishes, Sanji calls them for dinner. Luffy doesn't move until Zoro does, following behind his unusually silent first mate. 

  
  
  


Everyone had come back a little scarred from the years they'd spent apart. Luffy knows that. They all seem to need to touch each other, stay in each other’s sights, talk to each other at any given opportunity. But Zoro is different. His swordsman seems to do his best to go unnoticed, while keeping an eye on the whole crew. He naps, tucked away near Sunny’s stairwell. Though, Luffy doesn't think he's actually napping. The slightest noise or movement seems to wake Zoro now. Years ago, Zoro would sleep as snow buried him. Now, if Chopper sneezes, the swordsman is awake. He seems surprised when anyone talks to him. As though he's forgotten that he's with the crew. Or than they can see him. The shock that crosses Zoro’s face makes Luffy feel sick. 

The rest of the crew notice it too. They go out of their way to talk to Zoro, even if it's just to say good morning or hello. Sanji’s even stopped teasing Zoro, after a comment about getting lost on them seemed to send nerves through the swordsman’s entire being. Chopper naps beside Zoro at every given opportunity. Luffy soon joins him. Usopp asks Zoro to help him train. Franky asks Zoro to help him with some construction. Brook asks for spars. Robin sits on the staircase beside him and reads aloud - to Chopper of course. Nami doesn't bring up Zoro’s debt once and hugs him every time she sees him. 

Slowly, he gets used to being around them again. Stops flinching at their touches. Stops looking surprised when they address him. 

His hair inches back to green. Luffy is relieved. Zoro looks strange with black hair.

  
  


“Here.” Nami hands him a box, a smile on her face. 

Zoro blinks at her, then down at the box. “Eh?”

“It's for you,” she says. “A welcome back present.”

It's earrings. Three golden earrings. He stares at them. Nearly identical to the ones he’d lost a year ago. 

“We thought you might want them back. I know they're not the exact ones, but we tried to get as close as we could. Robin and I will repierce your ear. I'm sure it's closed by now.”

Zoro can't bring himself to speak. He just stares down at them. Luffy bounds over. Rambles to Nami and says how cool the earrings look. How glad he is that Zoro’s getting back to normal.

“How much?” He finds himself asking. 

He already owes her money. Oh. The money! Zoro forgot about the money. He must have enough by now. Or at least close.

The collection is larger than his bounty. And three-hundred-forty-thousand beli is a lot.

Nami blinks at him, confused. “How much?” 

“Hai.” He reaches into his pocket and digs out the bundle, holding it out to here.

Nami’s eyes widen. Even Luffy looks surprised.

“This is enough, right? For my debt?” Even Zoro can hear the note of desperation in his voice. “I can get more. I -”

He trails off when Nami glares at him, eyes full of tears and he curses himself. He screwed up. Maybe it's not enough. Maybe he wasn't supposed to pay her back. Incase they decided they didn't want him again. Then they could turn him in to pay off his debt. 

A tremor runs through his hand. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

Nami turns away and storms off. Zoro shrinks back from the crew’s glances. Nami’s pissed. The cook will be pissed. Even Luffy looks a little upset. 

They let him retreat to the crow’s nest without protest. He doesn't come down until they've all gone to bed. Leaves the beli on Nami’s table and settles in the crow’s nest for the night.

  
  


In the blink of an eye, all their hard work is reverses. Zoro goes back to hiding himself away. Wincing at their touches. He won't look at Nami and she won't look at him. It's all one big mess and Luffy isn't quite sure how to fix it. No one is sure how to fix it. 

“He hurt Nami-san’s feelings,” Sanji sighs. “Just tell him to apologize.”

“I doubt that will help,” Robin says. “He apologizes quite a bit. At this point, I don't think he knows what he's apologizing for.”

“Why don't we ask him?” Franky asks. “It's Zoro-bro. He's still nakama.”

Luffy stares at the door. Beyond it, Zoro is nestled by the stairway napping and Nami is locked in her charting room. 

“Zoro thinks we left him behind,” Luffy tells them. Because it's true. He can tell in Zoro’s shifty movements and nervous eyes. He's waiting for the last straw to break. “He got hurt and he's still hurt and he thinks we don't want him any more. He wanted to make Nami like him again, so he gave her back her money. He lets Sanji insult him without a fight. He does what Chopper says when he’s being a doctor. He listens to Usopp’s stories and Robin’s books and helps Franky build stuff. He wants us to like him so we won't leave him behind.”

“We didn't leave him behind!” Chopper cries. “We'd never!”

“Of course we wouldn't “ Robin says soothingly. “But, isolation can do funny things to people. If he didn't get the message Sencho sent us, he wouldn't understand why we weren't at Sunny. Or why no one talked about us. For Zoro, we were either dead or hiding.”

“Two years of that mindset is a long time.” Sanji takes a long drag from his cigarette. “What do we do?”

“I don't know.”

  
  


The soft click of heels wake him. Zoro squints against the sun as Nami stops and sits in front of him. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying. Guilt settles in his stomach. An apology is on the tip of his tongue. 

She hugs him. Squeezes him tightly and buries her head in his collarbone. 

“Baka,” she mumbles through tears.

Zoro doesn't protest. He sits silently and waits for her to move. After a minute, she does. Pulls back and caresses his cheek.

“That can't be all you worried about, all this time,” she whispers, tears shining in her eyes. “Money?”

He shrugs. “Owed you.”

“Oh, Zoro.” More tears fall down her face and she hugs him again, tighter this time. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way.” 

She sniffles. Kisses his cheek and runs a hand through his hair. Zoro stares at her. Tries to make his mind work. What is she apologizing for? What is she so sad about? He gave her the money. 

“You're nakama,” she whispers. “It was just. I just wanted to harass you. I never wanted money, Zoro. You never have to pay me back. You're family.”

He blinks at her. That doesn't really make sense. She always wanted money. And the cook wanted to insult him. Chopper wanted him to be a good patient. Usopp wanted him to believe his lies. He never did any of that.

His head pounds. His chest aches. Nami sniffles and frowns at him, eyes lighting up in concerned.

“You're breathing funny,” she tells him. “What's wrong?”

He shakes his head and pulls in as deep a breath as he can muster. It fails to fill his lungs. Nami disappears from view and Chopper replaces her, urging him to breath and he tries. His lungs just  _ really _ hurt. Everything hurts. And he's kind of scared. Even if there's nothing to be afraid of. Something pushed at his back. A blind kind of lonely terror.

“Zoro’s okay.” Luffy whispers over the buzzing in Zoro’s ears. “Zoro’s safe with nakama.”

Nakama. Nakama that won't want him if he can't be useful or breath right or do what they want him to do.

“I'm sorry,” the words come out a rushed whisper. “I'm sorry.”

Luffy settles beside him. Let's him curl into his side as he struggles to match Chopper's breathing pace.

“I'm sorry.”

  
  


They have a long talk the next day when Zoro wakes up. Luffy sits him down in the crow’s nest and asks for the whole story. Zoro gives it to him. The pain and the panic and the confusion. The betrayal he felt he committed by bounty hunting again. The fear of being alone in the New World. The terror of believing that his crew had died because he was too weak. Or left him because he was too useless.

Zoro cries a lot. Luffy cries too. 

His swordsman’s pain is thick in the air. It suffocated him. Hurts him. But as long as it makes its way out of Zoro, Luffy doesn't care. By dinnertime, Zoro is asleep against Luffy’s side. Emotionally exhausted and out of tears to cry. Sanji brings dinner up. Both are relieved when Zoro sleeps through their conversation. He hasn't slept through anything in a long time. 

  
  


The guilt and uncertainty fade from Sunny’s deck slowly. But they fade. The crew of the future Pirate King fall back into some semblance of normalcy. The scars never fade completely. There are still nights when anyone of them wake up afraid, but those have become few and far between.

Teasing begins again some months later when Sanji wriggles off to get Nami a drink, hearts in his eyes and Zoro sends a scoffed “Baka love cook” after him. It only gets better from there. 

For the first time in years, Luffy’s first mate leans against the rail near Sunny’s figurehead to watch the sunrise with him. Heart fluttering in his throat, Luffy places his hat atop mossy locks. Zoro glances up at him. Smiles a real smile.

“Oi, Zoro.” Luffy glances back out at the multi-colored sky. “That scar on your eye looks  _ really _ cool.”


End file.
